The Sparking Wit Podcast

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Note: The story is written like it’s a transcript of a podcast, it’s not a transcript of an actual audio story.

START TRANSCRIPT

Trevor: Hey, this is Trevor, sitting next to me is my lovely robot-wife Emily and you’re listening to episode 83 of the Sparking Wit podcast.

Before we start, for those of you new to the show, we do talk about mature subjects with mature language in a rarely mature way, so please don’t listen around your kids, around your coworkers, or around an open flame.

{theme plays}

Trevor: Today we are going to be going over setting up audio recording on a fembot chassis, taking some viewer email questions about gifts and travel, then finishing by interviewing professional escort Penelope Vandiver, who has been a robot woman for 11 years.

So Emily, would you like to explain to everyone why the microphones, headphones and sound board are not plugged into your laptop this week?

Emily: That would be due to the Iced Caramel McMacchiato I spilled all over it two days ago. Obviously a temporary failure in my fascia over adductor pollicis muscle.

Trevor: You had to look that up, didn’t you.

Emily: I absolutely did just before we started recording. Certainly I was not daydreaming about additional synthetic vagina puns and failed to properly grab the slippery cup.

Trevor: Any good ones?

Emily: I was trying to work on something with my makeup compact… since it’s a plastic clamshell.

Trevor: {chuckling} We’ll have to see if one comes up naturally. Emily is still setting everything back up on the new laptop and trying to salvage what parts she can from the old one. But we decided as a quick project, instead of Emily acting as the laptop, we would do an entire gynoid-based podcasting setup and walk you through the steps.

Best kırklareli escort of all, it means Emily is doing the Podcast in just her Wonder Woman underoos..

Emily: Oh, Lord. Listeners, they’re grey cotton panties.

Trevor: …with three or four panels open. Emily, would you like to take it from here?

Emily: Sure. So normally, we have two Bose 31J Microphones and two separate pairs of Bose Angel Wing headphones plugged into a dedicated soundboard. My Laptop is also plugged into the soundboard, and we use that for both recording and for playing any audio files we or the guest needs. When we have a guest, normally Trevor and I share a mic, the guest gets my headphones, and I run a cable from the sound board to the audio input jack beneath panel 1-dash-D behind my left ear. The sound board can handle up to 4 microphones and when we had the band Bent Tungsten on the show we had to find some headphone splitters and borrow some headphones…

Trevor: And the extra mics.

Emily: .. Yes, and the extra mics. Is seven people the most we’ve had on the show at once?

Trevor: We’re not counting that big video call with the $100-level Boosters, right?

Emily: Right, I’m just talking about the people physically in the studio. Although that is a good point that when we have someone call in, I like to plug my phone into the soundboard, so we hear the person through our headphones, and they hear us through the same mics that you’re hearing us from.

Trevor: But the zoom call was just computer audio.

Emily: Right. Special circumstances. Where was I?

Trevor: What’s plugged into the soundboard.

Emily: Right. And that’s a setup my friend Denise helped us out with right from Episode 1, and we’ve afyon escort had no reason to change, apart from some hardware updates.

Trevor: And moving to a room that has windows to the backyard instead of the front.

Emily: We were probably a little too confident in how successful this podcast would be, and spent more than we should at the start. But thanks to the gang out there, we’re able to make this little endeavor pay for itself.

For this project, we’re going to assume the aspiring fembot podcasters out there are not going to immediately drop five figures on their setup. So we’re using me as the soundboard and the laptop. Now, technically, we could use my ears as the microphone, but that creates a wildly unprofessional end product.

Trevor: And this involved a little bit of trial and error. Thanks to Gokul for helping us iron out the issues we were having with the fidelity of our audio files.

Emily: Spoilers, sweetie. The first step is to open up good old panel 2-dash-A for access to your main data bus. For me, and anyone else with an Apollo Every woman is different. But giving a woman parts is a combination of giving her an appliance and giving her clothes. You need to know exactly what she wants and if she absolutely wants it as a gift. I wouldn’t give Emily a new video card for Christmas, even when she was human.

Emily: Trevor likes getting me five small, silly gifts rather than one big gift, and it’s adorable.

Trevor: That’s certainly one way to do it, but again, every woman is different. My suggestion is chocolates. But not normal chocolates, Godiva just came out with a variety formulated for android consumption.

Emily: My taste and smell are close to human, but not exact. I don’t consume amasya escort much except coffee. But I did try these and they were heavenly. The chemical composition is designed to be easier for the taste sensors in a gynoid’s mouth to detect, and the consistency is extra smooth so it doesn’t offend my sensitive tongue.

Trevor: The larger point is that it’s a gift that shows you love her as a robot woman. You understand she’s not like other girls and are attentive to her different needs. Needs like using that sensitive tongue all the time.

Emily: I should have known you were going to make a crack about that.

Trevor: You would have thought less of me if I hadn’t.

Emily: Also, no surprise parties. Power management is a real thing, don’t oblige her to stand around and mingle with a 10% charge.

Trevor: Want to do another?

Emily: Yeah, let’s do one more.

Trevor: Marilyn from Killarney, Ireland writes

Dear Emily,

I’m taking a trip to Chicago this October. Any travel advice? I haven’t been to the states in 20 years and haven’t taken a big trip since my upload.

Emily: Sure. Flying cargo sucks, spend the extra money and get a seat.

Trevor: {laughs}

Emily: United never did reimburse me for loading me backwards into the plane and screwing up my knees. Anyway. Make sure you have your upload documentation on hand at all times, in addition to your passport. You’ll probably get pulled aside by customs, but just be polite and be prepared to open some panels to show you aren’t smuggling anything inside you.

On the plane, try to power down as much as you can, but don’t power down entirely in case you have some boot issues. If you have a connecting flight, Spend the money and get a quick charge at the airport. O’Hare has a nice quick-charge facility with privacy screens. If you’ve landed and you’re running low on power, don’t try to wait until you can grab another battery from your checked luggage and don’t count on being able to find a wall outlet. .

And when you’re in Chicago, stop at Carmella’s on Clinton St. They have a great tasting menu for artificial taste buds.

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